My So-Called Jogging Life: A sprint written as a sprint

I’ve decided that since the Lake Norman Tri I just did is a sprint, I’d do my write up in sprint format. Short and quick sentences. Though after looking at it, it does look sort of like how I picture a dog would write it up. Anyways here goes;

Here we go. Swim. Swim. Ouch, who kicked me? Swim. Ouch, who kicked me? Ouch, who kicked me? Son of a ****, hey, move over. There’s no room. Where’s the buoy? Ouch, who kicked me? How can I get around these guys? Ouch, who kicked me? Where’s the turn buoy. There it is. Keep swimming. Ouch, who kicked me? Gotta squeeze in here. Here’s the buoy. Move over, dude. Swim. Swim. Where’s the next buoy. I hope it opens up on the way back. Ouch, who kicked me? I’m never doing a tri again. Turn, turn, turn. Ouch, who kicked me? Why is this race so crowded all the time. Swim, swim. Move over. Hey, someone just kicked me in the face. My goggles are off on the right side. Should I stop? No time. Close my right eye. Keep swimming. That sun is really bright. I can’t see anything through my one eye. Better just follow someone else. Ouch, who kicked me? This sucks. Swim. Swim. Swallowed water. Choking. Cough. Cough. Better. Keep going. There’s the shore, it must be close. Swim. Still can’t see it. Did I pass it? Can’t be. Man this swim is slow. I’m going to get killed on the time. Swim. There it is. Holy crap, it’s 3 feet in front of me. Turn, turn. Last stretch. Kick, kick, kick!!! Almost there. Swim to the end. Out of the water. Get out of the way. Oh great a photographer. I’m sure I look flat. Are they ever going to repave this parking lot? Ouch. There’s my bike. Just get my bike shoes on. No socks. It’s cold, go with short sleeve dart shirt. Ok, helmet-check, shoes-check, sunglasses-check. Ok, head out. Run, run, run. Hey, there’s Ashley Ackerman! Hey dude. Get on bike. Up hil, up hill. Crank it. That’s 1 road kill,2 ,3, 4. This first hill always gets me. There’s summit, anyone I know outside. No, keep going. Hit that corner. Davidson-Concord, gotta get some nice speed here. 24 mph. Nice, 5,6,7,8,9,10. Can I get 25 road kills? Keep counting. There’s Mungers house. No Dave! I could use that martini right about now. Keep it cranking. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15…25! I’m past 25 and only ¼ of the way through. I want 50! Here comes the traffic circle. Hope Jo is ok. Car coming, please don’t hit me. Around the circle. Keep up the pace up the hill. Wow, this hurts. Want to beat last years time. Keep going. Up the hill, drop the gear, keep up the pace. Wow, I’m going good up the hills, 26…35! Nice. Onto Shearers. “Thanks for volunteering!” How soon until Grey road? Drink. Gotta keep drinking. Don’t get dehydrated. Hope jo is ok. She should be swimming by now. More people up ahead. Pass, pass, pass. 40! Nice. Why won’t this guy stay passed. Ok, there’s grey. A little downhill. Nice. Drink. OK, back uphill. Pace is good. Gotta be at least 19? I hope so. Don’t give anything up. Leave it all out here. Pedal, pedal, pedal. OK, shopping center coming up. I know this is faster than I practiced. It’s gotta be. 50 road kills! Why is this guy honking at me. There’s a race buddy! Ok, throw it all down the hill. Pedaling down the hill. OK, here comes the big hill. Halfway through. OK, crank it up the hill. Passing people left and right. Up to 60! OK, 115 is close. Oh man, all these cars are blocking the road. Anyone in the left lane? No. Man, this is really dangerous. Screw it. So long cars. Turn, turn, turn. OK, home stretch now. Those girls are drafting. You can’t do that. “Hey, you can’t draft!”. Whatever. Into town. Wonder how Tristan and John are doing. I hope they don’t crush me. Ok, there’s Davidson. This is the part of the course I never remember. Wow, where did that hill come from? Hey, didn’t I pass you before? 70 kills. Almost there. Hey Jason Gardner! “Hey Jason!” I don’t think he heard me. Ok, just down the hill. Man that dude is getting out of his shoes with a quarter mile to go. Move over buddy. “On your left! Coming through!” 73 nice. Ok, off the bike. Fast transition. Fast transition. I’m hot. Better change to a singlet. Damn, wasting time. Why won’t these stupid socks go on!?!? Ugh. They’re not right. Oh crap, grab your number! OK, run, run run. Hey it’s Jyl and Hope!! High fives! Awesome. So glad I saw them. Ok, just keep it together. Decent pace. Is that really my pace? Don’t mess it up. That hill is coming up. Is that Theoden? It is! “Way to go TJ!” OK, first turn, then the hill. This is where Tony passed me last year. Don’t walk, don’t walk. Tony said do it in 1:40. Where am I. uhhh, 15 plus something. Whatever, keep going. Made it up the hill. Turn, some flat. Damn, that guy passed me like I was standing still! Nice tri shirt! Where’s Sean’s house? Don’t see him this year. Is that really 1 mile done? 1/3 of the way done. Keep going. Here’s that long hill. You can slow down, but no walking! Keep going. “Hey, are you ok? You can do it, keep going!” Wow, I made it up that hill. There is no shade here at all. OK, halfway done. What’s my pace. Keep it up! Mile 2 already! Sweet. Almost home. Hey, Emily Read! “looking good, Emily!” who’s that guy yelling at Emily next to me? Is that Tony? Oh crap. Oh no it’s not. OK, good. Keep going. Hey, there’s Tony! Am I still ahead of him? Let’s see, he started 12 minutes after me. I’m almost at 3, right? Ugh, too tired, keep going. Want to walk. If you walk now and someone you know beats you by 10 seconds you’ll be pissed, keep going. There’s the turn for the finish. Oh gross, that guy just threw up in front of me! Where’s Jo? Keep going. I see the finish line. Hey, don’t try to pass me right in front of the finish! Turn it on. Done! You want my chip? You’re going to need to give me a second buddy! Hey it’s Hope and Jyl. High fives!!! Done.

Jo finished her first real tri with open water. I beat last years time by 21 minutes. A good, but rough race.

And now..Pictures!: